~Mike Wolcott
Every year since I can remember, my parents have hosted Thanksgiving at our house. My mother ALWAYS delivers with an absolutely delicious meal. I personally like to cover everything on my plate with an overwhelming amount of cranberry sauce and gravy. Last year I used so much gravy and cranberry that I couldn’t even see what I was eating anymore. After dinner I usually grab a slice of my favorite dessert, pumpkin pie, and then pass out on the couch. There is something about a 5,000 calorie meal that just completely wipes me out.
The days that bracket Thanksgiving are interesting. As everyone knows, the Wednesday before is the biggest party night of the year. Like most others, I usually end up at a local bar wasted beyond sensibility. I refuse to let that happen this year. I will not ruin another one of mother’s delicious Thanksgiving meals with a ridiculous hangover. As far as Black Friday goes, I’m not a shopper, but I find it fun to watch the news that day. Usually Channel 2 will show some poor bastard being trampled by an obese woman racing toward a discounted item (what could be funnier?). One year, my father and Uncle Pat got up at 5:00am to go shopping on Black Friday. Curiously, my Uncle only ended up buying a bottle of shampoo, and it wasn’t even on sale.
The football games on Thanksgiving are always boring as hell. The Detroit Lions, who are usually terrible, traditionally play in the early game. The 4:00pm game slot is occupied by the Dallas Cowboys, a team I absolutely despise. A funny incident occurred a few years back while we were watching a football game on Thanksgiving. While sitting in the living room, My Uncle Rich, who was leaning too far back in his chair, tipped backward. His mammoth bald head slammed against the wall and his neck bent upward in an unnatural position. He could not get up from this position on his own because he was trapped on his back between the chair and the wall. He could barely speak (because of his awkwardly bent neck), but he called out for my cousin: "Matthew….. help… me…." My cousin Matt, who was sitting next to me on the couch, got up and pulled my Uncle back into the normal position. With all four chair legs planted back on the floor, we resumed watching football as if nothing had happened. No one spoke of it again that night.
In regards to food (the most important part of Thanksgiving), I look forward most to the stuffing, the mashed potatoes, and the pumpkin pie. Pumpkin pie is like the exclamation point at the end of the day for me. I don’t feel like Thanksgiving would be Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie. Family is also kind of important, and when I’m not stuffing my face I try and remember to be thankful for the great family I have. Anyway, before I get too sentimental here I’d like to wrap up by saying "Happy Thanksgiving" to all you A&M readers out there. Enjoy the greatest holiday ever created. Remember to eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.
