ZERO CHAMPIONSHIPS

 

~Mike Wolcott

 

     It was October of 2006 and I was in attendance for a Bills game vs. the Patriots. Dick Jauron was the coach of the Bills that year and J.P. Loss-man, I mean Losman, was the quarterback. It was only week 7, but even the most optimistic Bills fans were beginning to recognize that the team sucked and was going nowhere. Buffalo fans were completely despondent over their local football team. On the flip side, the same fans couldn’t be happier about their local hockey team. The Buffalo Sabres were sitting atop the Eastern Conference and off to an 8-0 start.

     The game was approaching halftime with the Bills down 14-3. Fans were visibly disgruntled. Watching Losman was painful, and the drunken buzz most onlookers obtained during tailgating was wearing off. A Canadian man wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs Jersey was walking down the stairs next to my section, presumably on his way to get a snack or to go to the bathroom. For those of you who don’t remember, the rival Leafs were not a playoff caliber team in 06’. Here was a chance for the beleaguered Buffalo fans to affirm a sense of superiority over a member of another team’s fan base. The Buffalo fans started yelling at the Canadian, "Fuck you Maple Leafs suck!!" and "Go Sabres wooo!!!’. This was not a fair fight because it was basically 100+ Bills/Sabres fans vs. this one guy. The Canadian turned to look at my section with a smile on his face.

     "How many champyunchips do the Sabres have?" asked the Canadian in a thick accent. When no one responded, he proceeded to answer his own question, "ZERO CHAMPYUNCHIPS!!!" He paused for a moment and then posed another question, "How many champyunchips do the Bills have?" Still there was no response. "ZZZEEERRROOO!" He declared. The once bold and brash Buffalo fans (including myself) were now silenced, all staring blankly at this one man in a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. There was really no good comeback for this guy. The Sabres were having a successful season to that point, but that was no reason to get cocky, especially considering the franchise had never won a Stanley Cup. Finally a Buffalo fan piped up, a feeble "Fuck you" was all he could muster. The Canadian just laughed, "Hahaha. FUCK YOU!! ZERO CHAMPYUNCHIPS!!! ZEROOOO!!!!" He started to walk away now but was still yelling ‘Zero". His voice felt like it was echoing through the entire stadium, "ZERO CHAMYUNCHIPS. ZERO!!!! FUCK YOUU!!!! ZEROOOO!!!!! HAHAHA!!!"

     I thought I’d share this fun anecdote because it looks as though 2013 will be yet another year without a championship for Buffalo sports teams. The Sabres are more than halfway through their strike out shortened season and enter tonight’s game in 14th place in the Eastern Conference. The franchise has existed for 40+ years and is still waiting to hoist the Stanley Cup for the first time.  Similarly, the Buffalo Bills have been a part of the NFL for 50+ years and have never won a Super Bowl. Both teams are in what’s called "rebuilding" mode yet again (the Bills have been "rebuilding" for 14 years). To that end, there is little reason to think either team will get the monkey off their back anytime soon. Until they do, Ralph Wilson stadium will echo with the haunting words of a Canadian man in a Maple Leafs jersey: "ZERO CHAMPIONSHIPS."
 
FUN FACT: The Tampa Bay Lightning have won exactly one more Stanley Cup than the Buffalo Sabres.