The Worst Songs of All-Time

Mike Wolcott

Everyone has those songs that they just can’t stand to hear.  The songs that annoy me most seem to come from the 1980s.  The 1980s were a time of big hair and big hooks, and people really didn’t have attention spans for songs with substance.  Music fans wanted arena ready choruses to sing along to and this resulted in some of the worst songs of all-time.  I decided to compile a list of songs that piss me off most from that era.  Without further adieu here are the top 5 worst songs of the 1980s.

 5. “Summer of 69’” (Bryan Adams):  This song really wouldn’t be that bad if people didn’t consider it a classic. Everyone seems to LOVE this song, but why?  Nothing really happens during the song .There is no real melody to speak of.  It’s almost like somebody declared the song a classic when it came out and everyone else just kind of went along with it.  Not only that but Bryan Adams was only 9 during the summer of 69, enough said.

4. “Bad”- (Michael Jackson):  It seems like whenever someone brings up MJ’s music it’s to shower him with praise.  Fans consider it blasphemous to criticize the “King of Pop.”Sorry MJ fanatics but I’m criticizing him anyway. This song is really bad but aptly titled.  One can’t help but think that he may have had children on his mind with a line like “your butt is mine” as the opening lyric to the song.

3. “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” (Poison):  God this song is awful. Bret Michaels probably intended for it to sound heartfelt, but it comes off as sounding completely contrived.  He probably heard someone use the phrase “every rose has its thorn” and thought “Great! That’s an awesome song title!”  He then proceeded to take 5 minutes to write this 4 minute atrocity.  

2.  “Don’t Stop Believing” (Journey)- I hear this song EVERYWHERE, one of the reasons I’ve grown to hate it so much.  One day I heard it on my way to work, then again at Subway for lunch, then again at the gym, then finally at the bar later that night.  When I heard it that night at the bar, it was accompanied by a chorus of drunken fools singing along in their falsettos.  Everything about this song sucks.  I hate it from the opening piano riff all the way until that melodramatic ending.  All I can picture when I hear it is a bunch of teenage girls jumping up and down while pointing at the stage singing “DON’T STOP BELIEVING! HOLD ONTO THAT FEEELINGG!!!”  Journey has a knack for writing really bad songs but this one takes the cake. If it wasn’t for Jon Bon Jovi, this would be the worst song of the 1980s, and possibly the worst song in the history of man-kind.  

1. “Livin on a Prayer” (BON JOVI)- Really anything by Bon Jovi could occupy this slot.  He is terrible.  How did he become such a recognizable name in the first place?  If you think about it, he is essentially a two hit wonder.  “My Life” and “Livin on a Prayer” should be considered as one hit because they are essentially the same song.  His other hit would be “You Give Love a Bad Name,” and I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone why that song sucks.  Bon Jovi should make like Tommy Tutone and fade into 80s obscurity where he belongs. Living on a prayer is overdramatic, overly commercialized, and extremely annoying.  There is nothing worse than going to a bar and listening to a bunch of buzzed women singing along as they jump up and down to the cheesy chorus.  “OOOOOHHHHHHH WE’RE HALFWAY THEREEEEE!!!!, WHOOOOHHHH! LIVING ON A PRAYER!!!!”  My father said it best one time, “this type of music is for 45 yr old women who haven’t gotten laid in a long.time”.  Sorry Jon but “Livin on a Prayer” gives rock a BAD NAME.  

So there you have it, the worst songs of the 1980s.  There have been many times in my life where I’ve felt like the only sane man in this world (sort of like how Bob Newhart felt in his shows).  Are other people crazy?  Don’t they realize how much these songs suck?  Why are these songs popular?  Anyway thanks for reading.  If this blog pissed you off you shouldn’t read Tony’s as it is even worse!  Good day.